{"id":238,"date":"2015-01-26T06:00:44","date_gmt":"2015-01-26T13:00:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/?p=238"},"modified":"2015-04-16T11:19:12","modified_gmt":"2015-04-16T18:19:12","slug":"ts-of-single-fatherhood-talk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/?p=238","title":{"rendered":"“Ts” Of Single Fatherhood – Talk"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cHi, son! \u00a0How was your day?”<\/p>\n

\u201cFine.”<\/p>\n

“What happened at school?”<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing.”<\/p>\n

\u201cAnything happen you\u00a0would like to talk about?”<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.”<\/p>\n

Sound like a familiar conversation when you pick your kid up?<\/p>\n

For our purposes, we will acknowledge conversation between father and child benefits both the father and child. \u00a0We will acknowledge the importance of verbal communication for the development of our kids from a social and emotional standpoint.<\/p>\n

\"Photo

Photo Credit: Alkavare<\/a> via Compfight<\/a> cc<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

If you have had experiences like the one I shared above, we need to move beyond the \u201cwhy” and get to the \u201chow\u201d.<\/p>\n

OBSERVE:<\/strong> \u00a0When do you like to talk to others and when do you like to be left alone? \u00a0Do you want peace and quiet before breakfast? \u00a0Until you get to work? \u00a0Do you need some time to decompress after a long day and collect your thoughts without engaging in conversation? \u00a0Well, our kids have similar preferences. \u00a0Learn yours and learn theirs. \u00a0Use that information to determine the best time to engage in meaningful conversation. \u00a0Many kids do\u00a0not want to talk about their day at school immediately after leaving, and instead would like to listen to music or shoot some hoops\u00a0– not a good time to actively engage. \u00a0Instead, figure out when they are most open. \u00a0For many, it is at bedtime\u00a0(see my post about bedtime rituals for some thoughts on this<\/a>).<\/p>\n

ASK QUESTIONS:<\/strong> \u00a0Would you rather get a lecture or engage in a dialogue? \u00a0Often, we equate talking to our kids with telling our kids what we think. \u00a0Instead, observe which questions pique their interest and elicit a response more than a simple \u201cyes\u201d or \u201cno\u201d. \u00a0Sometime our kids need to hear from us in the lecture format, but talking to them involves a two-way dialogue. \u00a0Properly worded questions can sometimes teach more than any droning lecture because they encourage our kids to think about\u00a0choices and the reasons behind them.<\/p>\n

INVITE QUESTIONS:<\/strong> \u00a0We used to have a time before bed where I told my son he could ask me any question he wanted with the\u00a0promise I would give an honest answer. \u00a0When he would ask about the divorce, I honestly told him it was not appropriate for me to discuss\u00a0and went right into my \u201cbroken record\u201d<\/a> explanation. \u00a0When he would ask a question about an aspect of science I did not know, I told him I would do some research and get back to him. Sometimes he had no questions and sometimes I knew the answer. \u00a0Encouraging our kids to ask questions seems to make them more comfortable with talking – at least it did with my son.<\/p>\n

LISTEN: \u00a0<\/strong>In those moments you want to really talk to your kids and connect, give them your attention when they talk. \u00a0Let the phone keep ringing. \u00a0Do not check your text messages like Pavlov\u2019s dog when the alert sounds. \u00a0Turn off the television. \u00a0Engage in eye contact and repeat what they said to you so they know you listened\u00a0and understood.\u00a0 If our kids sense we do\u00a0not pay attention to them, why would they talk?<\/p>\n

DO SOMETHING ACTIVE WHILE YOU TALK:<\/strong> \u00a0Throwing a football, going for a walk, or swinging at the park can be great ways (especially with boys) to connect and converse. \u00a0They still have your attention, but there is just something about walking and talking….<\/p>\n

Because we regularly play the role of\u00a0dad and mom, we need to redouble our efforts to connect with our kids in conversation. \u00a0They need to express feelings and ask questions,\u00a0but they may not if the foundations of regular communication do not exist.<\/p>\n

My son has recently\u00a0shared some concerns with me on his own, with no prompting and seemingly out of the blue. \u00a0I have told him how\u00a0appreciative I am he asked me and thanked him for trusting me with\u00a0something bugging him. \u00a0I do not believe he would have asked had we not developed our communication skills.<\/p>\n

Having said that, I still get \u201cfine\u201d and \u201cno\u201d when I pick him up from school. \u00a0And then he turns on the radio.<\/p>\n

When do you find your kids most willing to have a good conversation?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cHi, son! \u00a0How was your day?” \u201cFine.” “What happened at school?” \u201cNothing.” \u201cAnything happen you\u00a0would like to talk about?” \u201cNo.” Sound like a familiar conversation when you pick your kid up? For our purposes, we will acknowledge conversation between father and child benefits both the father and child. \u00a0We will acknowledge the importance of verbal […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,127],"tags":[20,14,17,10,16,12,19,18,9],"class_list":["post-238","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting-2","category-ts-of-single-fatherhood","tag-activity","tag-communication","tag-conversation","tag-dad","tag-fatherhood","tag-honesty","tag-listen","tag-questions","tag-single"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/238","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=238"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/238\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":245,"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/238\/revisions\/245"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=238"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=238"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ftdad.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=238"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}