When The Kids Are Gone

A few weeks ago, my son traveled 1,700 miles to spend the summer with my ex.  This year marks the seventh time he has left me for this extended period of time.

Photo Credit: Jaws300 via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Jaws300 via Compfight cc

For you single dads who also have extended periods of time where your kids  have visitation with their mom, you know the range of emotion you experience.  On one hand, you get some time to yourself to catch up with friends, get healthy, date, do a lot less laundry, watch something other than Scooby-Doo, and generally decompress.

On the other hand, you miss your kids, you wonder how your ex is parenting, you wonder how they relate to any significant other to your ex they spend time with, and you cannot help but wonder if they are safe and secure.

With FaceTime, Skype, texting, and all the other technology out there, you can keep in touch with your kids, but it is not the same as having them home.

The entire circumstance has a duality – on one hand you have some additional margin in your life.  On the other, you want to have your kids home and under your watchful eye.

How do we navigate this duality?

First – be prepared for the rapid deceleration.  Single dads travel fast.  Once your kids leave for their visitation, many of your tasks disappear instantly.  No driving to daycare or camp.  No making breakfast, lunch and dinner.  No reading at bedtime.  Depending on your particular circumstance, you may do little more than talk to your kids on the phone or Skype.

Your worth and value is not in what you do for you kids, it is in who you have been, who you are, and who you will be when they return.

Second – be prepared to focus on yourself for a bit.  Above I mentioned several activities you will have time for when you are not actively parenting.  Your list may look similar…but please make sure you have a list of some sort.  If you do not have a plan for your time alone, you may fill it with nothing but binge watching Netflix.  Not to say you should not do some of that, but you should have something more substantive on your list.

Do not feel guilty for enjoying your break from full-time parenting.  Instead, see it as a time for you to recharge and be the best dad you can when they return.

What are your top priorities when the kids are with their mom?

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